


It Was Always You

by AnaCarlyle



Series: Start a Riot [2]
Category: Once Upon A Time - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26550796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaCarlyle/pseuds/AnaCarlyle
Summary: Sequel to “Long Distance Lullaby”. This tells the story of life after they meet again, star crossed lovers trying to find their way back home.
Relationships: Emma Swan/ Regina Mills
Series: Start a Riot [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930804
Comments: 10
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

“Hi.” Emma stared up at Regina, suddenly feeling 21 again. How their first meeting should have gone. Except she would have thrown herself into Regina’s arms and kissed her senseless. Now they were strangers. 

The years aged them well. Instead of long brown hair, Regina had it cropped just above the shoulders. It was perfectly coiffed, not a hair out of place. Emma’s once long hair was now cut up to her shoulders, too. She had cut it when Henry was a baby; he’d loved to grab her hair and she had kept it that way even as he grew older. 

Regina couldn’t stop staring. Long gone was the baby face Emma had carried into her late teens. Her cheekbones protruded beautifully, her face much more mature now. Her eyes were exactly the same, the green pools pulling Regina in once again. “Emma…” she breathed again, her eyes flickering down the younger woman’s front before going back up to her face. “Is it really you?” She asked, her voice uncharastically cracking. 

Emma shrugged noncommittally, the corner of her mouth turning up into a lopsided smile. “Hey, Gina. It’s been a while.” 

Regina couldn’t help but snort at the sentence, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s been ten years, Emma. What are you doing here?” She asked as she snapped out of her daze. “Why are you here?” 

Emma almost visibly deflated, knowing Regina had the right to act cold. She was the one who had broken her heart. And it did seem crazy to show up unannounced after ten years. “I’m actually here for two weeks visiting August and Marco Booth. August and I were in a home together for a while…” She trailed off, looking down at her feet. “I don’t know why I came here. I didn’t even realize this was where you lived until I saw the sign. I remember you sent me a picture of it years ago. I almost turned around when I realized.”

Regina sighed softly, and uncrossed her arms before she stepped inside. She looked back over her shoulder, holding the door open for Emma. “Come inside. It’s about time we talked.” 

Emma practically scrambled through the door, her eyes widening as she took in the beautiful mansion. The entryway way was lower than the rest of the house, and up the short flight of stairs led to the lobby of the home. A study sat to the right, the dining room straight ahead, a small hallway led to the kitchen and to the left was the staircase upstairs and the living room. “You grew up here?” Emma asked as Regina led her to the living room, her eyes still darting around the room. 

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll get us something to drink. I still make my own cider, if you don’t mind some of that.” Regina said as she went to a small dry bar cabinet, taking two glasses and the unmarked bottle of cider off the shelves. She poured two glasses, walking to hand Emma one, who had sat on the couch. Regina took her place at the opposite end of the couch, putting a reasonable amount of distance between them. 

Emma took a sip of the drink, her eyes closing briefly. “I just wanted to apologize. I think that’s why I came here.” Emma said after a few minutes of silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. 

Regina looked up at her again as she sagged against the couch, sighing softly. “I’m the one who owes an apology, not you. I shouldn’t have cut you out, Emma. I’ve regretted it for the last ten years. I tried to find you again, but I came up empty.” 

Emma finished off the cider in her glass, her finger lightly tapping the side with nervous energy. “I changed my number and deleted yours. Ruby convinced me that if you couldn't handle one bump in the road, then it wasn’t worth it.” She rolled her eyes at the ridiculous notion, one she’d regret after Henry was born. She worried her lower lip, her gaze finally connecting to Regina’s. “I got pregnant. That night that I cheated-“ she exhaled sharply, her eyes moving away from Regina’s. “The night I cheated on you. He disappeared after that. Even Ruby had no idea where he went. Neal.” She spat out his name, her brow furrowing in anger. “He probably doesn’t even know he has a son.” 

“A boy? Did you keep him?” Regina asked, now finishing her cider as she stood and grabbed the bottle, sitting slightly closer to Emma now as she filled their glasses again. 

Emma nodded as she held out the glass, taking a short sip. “I did. He just turned ten. He’s a wonderful kid. Too much like me for his own good.” She laughed, her heart lifting as she saw Regina smile. A small sliver of hope that Regina didn’t actually hate her. 

“What’s his name?” The brunette asked, a soft smile on her lips. 

Emma paused for a moment, her name choice for her son now seeming inappropriate. She had never expected to see Regina again, and naming her son after her internet lover’s father seemed...wrong. “Henry.” She said softly, her eyes glued to her lap. 

“Henry…” Regina repeated just as softly. She moved closer to Emma, placing a hand on the knee that was bouncing up and down. “He would have been honored.” Regina could feel the anxiety radiating off Emma, and she was trying to figure out how to relay to Emma that she wasn’t offended or hurt by it. Maybe she was a little bit, but after ten years, her wounds had healed. 

Emma’s eyes couldn’t leave the hand on her knee, and her eyes flickered up to Regina’s. “That’s..” she paused, chuckling. “That’s the first time you’ve ever touched me.” The anxiety she was feeling almost disappeared, looking back up at Regina. “I never stopped loving you.” She whispered, the rest of her glass drained shortly after her admittance. “I got over you, Regina. But I never stopped loving you. I had to get over you, for Henry.” 

“I never got over you either, Emma.” Regina said as she removed her hand. “But it’s been ten years. We aren’t the same people we were.” She sighed softly and leaned back against the couch, draining her glass too. “I honestly think I need time to process that you’re here, and I’m sure you do, too.” 

Emma’s heart sunk in her chest for a reason unknown to her. She knew they could never go back to the way they were, but she hadn’t expected to see her today. “I understand.” She scrunched up her nose for a moment, staring down at her empty glass. “You have some strong cider, Gina.” Her mouth snapped shut at the nickname. She hadn’t said it in so long, it sounded foreign coming from her mouth. 

“My intentions were not to get you intoxicated.” Regina teased, cracking a smile. “But you’re welcome to stay in my guest room if you need to for the night. Where are you staying while you’re here?” 

“The bed and breakfast above the diner.” Emma said, shooting Regina a crooked smile. “Nothing like a small town hotel.”

“Oh, no. You’re not staying there. Granny may have the best food, but the beds there leave something to be desired.” Regina paused, thinking for a moment. “Would it be too much to ask you to stay here?” 

“I don’t want to impose, Regina.” Emma said, her brows creasing for a moment. Why would Regina want her to stay with her? Maybe there was hope. 

“I insist. And I’d love to meet Henry, If that’s okay with you.” Regina chewed her lower lip, wishing for a moment she could take back her offer. It was too soon, but she really DIDN’T want Emma staying at the bed and breakfast. 

Emma shrugged noncommittally, smiling again. “I mean, I guess that’s fine. Henry has no idea who you are though, so we could say you’re an old friend.” 

Regina almost snorted at that, laughing deeply. “An old friend, indeed.”


	2. Chapter 2

Emma found herself staring up at the ceiling of the guest room, her mind still hazy with the bit of alcohol she had consumed. Henry was sleeping in the room beside hers (Regina’s old room), and Regina was down the hall. 

Regina. 

Emma turned on her stomach, huffing slightly at the clock. It was nearly 2am, and Emma had been tossing and turning for the last two hours, the thoughts in her head not allowing her to sleep. Regina was down the hall. She was in Regina’s home. A thing she wouldn’t have dared to wish for a day before. Emma sighed again as she turned on her back, kicking the covers off herself. She couldn’t continue laying in bed with the thoughts in her head. 

She padded barefoot down the stairs, pulling her shorts a little further down her leg as the air conditioner chilled her legs. 

She made it to the kitchen, reaching up to grab a glass to fill with water. The glass tumbled into the sink as a throat cleared behind her, nearly jumping a foot into the air. 

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” Regina’s husky voice rang through the silence, Emma’s heart rate finally slowing as she realized who it was. It was obvious neither of them could sleep, there were bags under her eyes and her hair was messy. She wore a silk nightgown, and Emma had to avert her eyes to keep the blush in her cheeks in check. 

“S’ok.” Emma said as she turned back around to pick up the glass and fill it with water. She leaned back against the counter, stepping to the island as Regina followed suit to get water for herself. “Can’t sleep?” Emma asked, intently studying the glass in her hands. 

“Seems you can’t either.” Regina observed, leaning on the counter next to the sink as she sipped her water. “I’m not used to other people in this home with me again. It’s unsettling.” She said,lifting her shoulder in a slight shrug. 

Emma finally met Regina’s eyes, noticing the older woman frowning slightly. “Does it make you uncomfortable that we’re here? Because I’m sure I can still get a room at the B&B.” She said, chewing the inside of her cheek. She wanted to stay, but she could understand why Regina was uncomfortable. 

“No need, I just have to get used to it. It’s odd having you here, Emma. I just didn’t think it would ever happen.” The brunette smiled softly, her body deflating slightly. 

Emma couldn’t help but chuckle, running a hand through her hair. “I understand completely.” Emma’s mind was still wandering, and she swore she saw Regina smirk slightly when her eyes flickered down for a moment. “It’s honestly hard sleeping knowing you’re here. I know I’ve apologized, but I can’t help but feel so guilty about how I messed up both of our lives. We could have been so happy and I-“ she cut herself off, snapping her mouth shut. She was exhausted, the filter between her mouth and brain apparently not working. 

Regina sighed softly, setting the glass on the counter behind her. “We could have Emma. But we aren’t.” She said pointedly, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Emma almost sighed, annoyed. “Why do you have these walls, Regina? You say you’ve forgiven me, but it doesn’t seem you have. I understand that nothing can happen again, but you can’t pretend that it never happened. You’re acting as if I really was the dirty little secret I never wanted to be.” She snapped, her heart clenching in her chest at the thought of their breakup. 

The brunette deflated further, her arms dropping to her side. “I can’t let you hurt me again, Emma.” She muttered, her eyes downcast. “If I let you in, I’m opening myself up to being hurt again. You leave in two weeks and I couldn’t bear watching you leave again if all I get is two weeks.” 

Emma stared at her for a moment, her mouth opening and closing slightly. “You...You want-“ Emma stopped again, her eyes wide. She stepped closer to Regina, waiting for Regina’s eyes to open again before moving even closer. “What we had, Regina, it was special. You’re not going to lose me again if you let me in. I may be further away again, but you aren’t going to lose me.” She said softly, lifting her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Regina’s ear. She watched as Regina’s eyelashes fluttered slightly as their skin made contact, Regina’s eyes flickering to her lips for a moment. “I’m never going to hurt you again, Gina.” She said softly, her hand resting on Regina’s cheek. 

Regina was the first to close the distance, her hands suddenly gripping Emma’s waist as she leaned up, connecting their lips in a kiss. It was tentative, soft and undaring. But she still sighed into it, her body practically melting as Emma’s hand gently cupped her cheek, her thumb stroking her cheek, wiping away a tear Regina hadn’t realized she had shed. 

When they pulled away after a few moments Regina couldn’t help but grin, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her heart. “Hi.” She said meekly, staring up into Emma’s eyes. “I’ve been wanting to do that for years.” 

“You have no idea.” Emma said before leaning in again, pressing her lips to Regina’s as her hand snakes its way to the back of her neck, keeping here there while their lips started to move against each other, Emma pressing Regina harder against the counter. 

Regina whimpered softly against Emma’s mouth, her hands suddenly pushing Emma back. Her eyes were closed as she furrowed her brow, almost in pain. “I want you, I do, Emma…” she trailed off as she opened her eyes, her face softening as she took in the rejected look on Emma’s face. She chuckled, her hands squeezing her hips. “But as much as I’d love to jump into this with you, I want to do this right. Let me take you out on a date. Tomorrow night. We don’t have to go anywhere nice, but I’d like to talk and get to know each other again.” 

Emma nodded slightly, matching Regina’s soft smile. “I would love to go on a date with you, Regina.” She said, leaning in to peck Regina’s lips, unable to resist herself. “Ready by seven?” She asked, finally detaching herself from Regina to lean against the kitchen island again. 

Regina nodded, grinning as her heart hammered in her chest. “Call it our first real date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dears! Just wanted to add a note!   
> You can follow my social media if you’d like!   
> My tumblr is “dontmissswanme”  
> My Twitter (which is mostly SwanQueen and personal crap) is “anasophiamills”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so dang long! I’ve been incredibly busy with work and personal life! I hope everyone enjoys their first date!

Regina studied her reflection in the mirror, applying a bit more mascara to her lashes. She nodded once she was content with her makeup, running her hands down the invisible creases in her dress. She was nervous, more nervous than she’d been in years. Emma was waiting downstairs with Henry, waiting for her to finish getting ready. She loved Henry the moment she met him, his lopsided smile and eyes matched Emma’s perfectly, his manners impeccable in spite of who raised him. Regina chuckled to herself at the thought, stepping up into her heels. She glanced at herself in the mirror once more, smirking at her outfit of choice. She wondered if Emma would notice it was the red dress she had worn nearly ten years ago, but a black blazer thrown over it to keep things a little more modest. She was thankful she still had it, and it still fit her beautifully. It might pull a little at the hips, but otherwise it was perfect. 

She finally made her way down the stairs and to the living room where Emma and her son were waiting. She watched as Henry nudged Emma’s shoulder, his eyes wide. “Ma.” He said lowly, a grin forming on his face. 

Regina watched as Emma whipped around, her eyes widening as she slowly drank in the older woman, head to toe and right back up. “You look amazing, Regina.” Emma said as she stared down at her own clothes. She wore a green silk blouse over black slacks and black high heels. She had gone out earlier to buy them, she hadn’t packed anything nice for dates. 

“As do you, Emma.” Regina said as her eyes swept appreciatingly over her body. “Almost ready to go?” She asked, her eyes darting to Henry. 

Henry nodded quickly as they all headed toward the door. The two women had decided not to lie to the boy, telling him that they knew each other when they were young and wanted to have dinner to catch up. He had agreed and gone along with it with no fuss, simply happy to see his mother smile so brightly. 

Once the two women dropped him off at August’s, they headed to a small Italian restaurant near the park. Regina had suggested something decently fancy, rather than Granny’s. But she had teasingly promised Emma to take her out for greasy burgers at least once in the next two weeks. 

They were shown to the table, Emma’s eyes awkwardly shifting around the restaurant. “I haven’t been on a date in almost two years.” She admitted as she looked through the menu, her stomach tight with nerves. She glanced up at Regina, who was smiling softly. 

“You don’t have to be nervous, Emma. It’s just me…” she trailed off, reaching out to take Emma’s hand in her own. “I’m not going to decide that I suddenly don’t want you around.” She squeezed her hand, watching as Emma’s rigid posture relaxed slightly. 

Emma squeezed her hand back, her frown turning into a genuine smile. “I know you won’t. I’m honestly just nervous to get to know you again. Like you said last night, we’re strangers again. The last ten years…” Emma sighed, leaning back in her chair, their hands disconnecting. “The last ten years have been a struggle for me, honestly.” 

Regina’s eyes softened at Emma’s admittance, almost in agreeance. “I understand that, completely. It must have been hard raising Henry on your own.” 

Emma shrugged again, looking at her menu again. “I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It was just unfortunate circumstances.” 

Regina just smiled as she directed her attention back to her menu, her thoughts trailing back to ten years ago. 

——  
Their date went smoothly after the awkward atmosphere disappeared and they became comfortable with each other again. They were full smiles and laughs as the check came, Emma snatching it up before Regina could. 

Regina narrowed her eyes at Emma, expectantly holding out her hand for the small black folder. “I asked you here tonight, I should pay.” 

Emma just grinned back at her, shaking her head as her golden hair tumbled around her shoulders. “I promised a long time ago to pay for the first date. I always follow through on my promises now.” She said, tucking her card into the plastic slot before setting it back down on the table. 

Once the waiter came back with their check, the women left, their hands brushing against each other, but Emma was the first to catch Regina’s hands, interlocking their fingers. They walked around the small park adjacent to the restaurant, continuing their small talk and the joking they easily slipped into again. 

They found themselves sitting on a park bench, Regina leaning into Emma’s side as she sighed contentedly. “I’m glad we met again, Emma.” She whispered, her head resting on the blonde’s shoulder, studying their interlaced hands. 

Emma’s eyes were drawn to the same sight, her heart swelling in her chest. She realized how much she had missed Regina the moment she saw her again, but she’d never expected to find herself in this situation; Regina giving her a second chance. “Call me crazy, but I believe in fate. We were meant to be something, Regina. I think we met in the wrong place at the wrong time.” She almost cringed, realizing that they were technically on their first date, but after even the few hours it had been, Emma had never felt happier. 

Regina just chuckled softly, squeezing Emma’s hand lightly. “Wrong place, wrong time.” 

———

When they finally made it through the front door of the mansion, both women were exhausted. They had stayed out till nearly eleven talking about their lives in the ten years they went without contact. Emma had gushed over Henry, showing Regina pictures of the boy growing up, Emma giving him the best life possible. Regina had told Emma about her rise to political power and how her mother had freaked out when Regina had told her the relationship with Graham was fake and that she truly was a lesbian. It hadn’t gone over well, but then nothing Regina had ever told her mother about herself went well. 

They both hesitated in front of their rooms, Emma wearing a lopsided grin on her face. “I had fun tonight, Gina.” She tugged Regina closer by her hand, the older brunette letting out a startled “hmph” as their bodies collided, but it quickly turned into a soft sigh as Emma’s lips connected with hers for the first time that night. She detached her hand from Emma’s as she deepened the kiss, her arms coming up to wrap around Emma’s neck, pulling her impossibly closer. Emma practically grinned into the kiss as her arms snaked around Regina’s waist, gripping her hips lightly. She quickly pushed Regina against the wall, both women moaning into the kiss. They pulled away after a few minutes, Regina’s hair disheveled from Emma fingers weaving through them moments before, and Emma’s green silk top pulled from her pants. 

Regina stared up at Emma for a moment, both of their breathing ragged, pupils dilated. “You’re really good at that.” She mumbled, licking her kiss swollen lips. 

Emma just chuckled and stepped back a little bit, her hands dropping to her side. “I’m guessing this is the part we say goodnight.” 

Regina worried her lower lip for a moment before she nodded, her breathing finally slowing. “I’d love to see you again.” She said, a mischievous smirk on her lips. “I had a wonderful time tonight, Emma.” She added softly, her hand reaching to clasp the blonde’s hand, Emma automagically interlacing their fingers. 

“I did too, Gina.” She said, pulling her hand up to kiss the back of it. “Goodnight, Regina. I’ll see you in the morning.” She leaned forward, kissing Regina’s cheek before turning and disappearing into her room, leaving Regina happily dazed and a feeling of happiness in her chest that seemed to make her heart beat faster and faster.


	4. Chapter 4

Emma entered Granny’s Diner, smiling brightly at August and Henry, who were sat in a booth in the corner. She slid into the booth, Henry immediately sliding into her and hugging her. “Hey kid! Did you have fun with Uncle August?” They had officially been there a week, Henry and Emma spending as much time as possible with August. 

“I did! We’re building some cool stuff! He said we can continue whenever you go out with Regina again.” 

Emma turned her head to August, cocking an eyebrow at him. “Who says I’m going out with her again?” She asked him teasingly, watching him roll his eyes at her. 

“I’d say the fact you didn’t pick up Henry last night, or even early this morning. I figured you were busy doing something.” He emphasized the last work, Emma’s cheeks tinged pink. 

“I’ll have you know, we didn’t do something. We were out late talking. I had a wonderful time with her. But we are going to see each other again.” She felt her heart race in her chest, butterflies suddenly appearing in her stomach. The way they had spoken last night made it seem like it hadn’t been ten years, that they had only recently stopped talking. Regina made her feel like a teenager again, smiling and laughing without a care in the world. Except now there wasn’t a screen in between them. She had been free to touch the woman, run her fingers over her palm and squeeze her hand as both their eyes sparkled. 

“You still love her.” August said softly, snapping Emma from her day dreaming. She merely nodded, a lopsided grin covering her face. 

“Why didn’t you talk about her before, ma?” Henry asked, a slight frown on his little face. 

“It’s complicated, kid. We had a rough past. I made some mistakes that I never thought she’d forgive me for.” They had spoken about Henry’s father before, or rather the lack of him. She hadn’t spoken to Neal at all, and he had signed away his parental rights when Henry was one. “But I got you out of it, so I wouldn’t change it for the world.” She hugged him, laughing lightly as he groaned and tried to get away from her. 

“I believe you, ma. Can I hang out with Uncle August again today? I want to get this project done before we leave.” 

“Getting tired of me?” She teased him, August laughing along with her. 

“Hey August! Emma!.” 

Emma smiled politely up at Ruby as she handed them menus, Emma’s eyes zeroing in on the grilled cheese. It was well past breakfast, but not quite lunchtime. Emma had slept in, the events of the previous night exhausting her. 

They quickly ordered some drinks, going back into conversation easily about August and Marco’s work. Emma’s attention was drawn away for a moment when the door above the diner chimed. Her grin only grew as she made eye contact with Regina, waving her over. 

The older brunette tucked her perfect hair behind her ear as Emma stood, Henry scrambling to the other side of the booth to allow his mother and Regina to sit together. Emma smiled at Regina as she slid in next to her, her hand finding Emma’s to squeeze it lightly. “I thought I’d find you here. I know you can’t resist a good diner.” She teased in homage to Emma’s eating habits when they were younger. 

“I didn’t want to bother you when I left. You seemed pretty busy with work.” 

Regina nodded, squeezing Emma’s hand again. “I appreciate that, Emma. Dealing with the citizens of this town can get tiresome.” She admitted, her laugh cutting through Emma’s stomach as more butterflies emerged. 

“I’m glad you took my advice and joined us.” She said, gesturing to Regina’s phone. She had sent a text inviting her, her heart warming that Regina had accepted the invitation. 

August nudged Henry, the boy leaning over as he watched Regina and Emma fall into a brief private conversation. “How about we get out of here and let your ma spend more time with Regina?” He asked, Henry’s face lighting up. 

“Operation…” He thought hard for a moment, his little face scrunching up. “Happy Ending? No.” He thought again for a moment, August laughing quietly at the comical look on his face. He was used to Henry’s little plans, Emma often spoke of them on the phone. The boy would give operation names to mundane tasks, making them seem much more fun than they were. “Oh! Operation Cloud!” He whispered excitedly, a grin lighting up his face. 

August cocked his head at Henry, questioning him. 

“Cause ma looks like she’s got clouds in her head every time R’gina is around!” 

“Henry!” 

His eyes snapped to his mother, embarrassment coloring his cheeks, matching hers. “Sorry, ma.” 

Emma just laughed and shook her head. “You two can at least stay for food. Growing boys need nutrition.” She teased, watching the corner of August’s mouth twitch. 

Henry mock groaned, his face scrunching up. “Fiiine. But I want to spend the day with Uncle August again.” 

“You stay and eat and we have a deal, kid. But it’ll be my turn to spend some time with him tomorrow. You can show me what you’re so desperate to get away to work on.” 

Next to Emma, Regina was watching their interaction with a small smile on her face, her heart warming at the sight. Emma had talked about wanting children one day when they were young, and seeing her now with Henry made Regina see how wonderful of a mother she was.   
—-  
After they had eaten, Henry and August made a quick departure, leaving Emma and Regina alone again. They hadn’t been alone in a week except a few fleeting moments before Regina was locked in her study, busy working and Emma taking Henry to bed. 

Emma sighed softly, interlacing their fingers once more. “I was thinking..” She looked up as Regina’s eyes met hers, the soft brown pulling Emma in. “We should have a night out again. I know this trip wasn’t about us, but I want to reconnect more.” 

Regina couldn’t help but cock her eyebrow as Emma’s eyes darted to her lips, shaking her head. “Reconnect?” She teased, squeezing her hand. “I apologize for being a bad host. If I had known you were coming-“

Emma cut her off with a shake of her head, opening her mouth to speak. “You had no idea, and neither did I. Believe me, I would have sent some kind of warning.” She said lightly, a smile on the corner of her mouth. ”You are allowed to be busy, but you are also allowed to have a night off to sit around and drink wine and talk with a long lost friend.” 

The brunette smiled as Emma’s smile widened, and she nodded. “You’re right. You deserve to see me, too. I’ll make some of my famous lasagne and we can share a bottle of wine. Talk more about what we want this to be.” She said softly, her eyes darting back up to Emma’s. She noticed the nervousness in them, the way Emma’s eyes darted over her face. “Nothing to worry about, dear.” Regina said as she squeezed Emma’s hand reassuringly. 

“I just don’t know, okay?” Emma said, her voice coming out more defeated then she realized. “Does it have to be anything besides just...I don’t know.” 

Regina was taken aback for a moment, the thought of Emma only wanting her for one thing. But she understood Emma’s reserves, she was having some of her own. “We can talk more tonight. I’m going to spend a few hours at work today. Go catch up with Henry and August, enjoy the local beach. It shouldn’t be too bad for swimming now. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Regina leaned in and kissed Emma’s cheek lightly before standing and straightening her clothes. “Try not to stress, I can see the wheels turning in your head already. This will be good for us.” 

Emma nodded as she shoved the scary thoughts that were tumbling around to the back of her head. What if Regina wanted nothing more than casual sex, or even if she said she couldn’t do a long distance relationship. She shook her head once more as she watched Regina saunter from the diner, a small smile already forming on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been having some SEVERE writers block! Hopefully this filler chapter will have my creativity flowing again!


	5. Chapter 5

**_Ten Years Ago_ **

Regina had refused to answer Emma’s countless texts and phone calls, her heart still feeling like it was being twisted inside her chest. She had sought comfort in Graham for one night, and Emma had acted out. She could never forgive the blonde, no matter how badly she wanted to. All she had asked for was trust, and Emma had broken the one promise that meant everything to her. 

She rolled back over as her phone went off again. It had been a week since the incident, and Regina hadn’t said a word to Emma. There were no words to describe how she felt toward the blonde now. 

**Regina, please talk to me. I want to fix this.**

Regina sighed sadly as she tapped out a reply to her, her heart squeezing in her chest once more. 

**I’m sorry, Emma. I don’t think I can be your girlfriend anymore. You’ve betrayed my trust far beyond what can be fixed. I’d like it if we remained strictly friends from here out. I am sorry, Emma.**

She hit send before setting her phone back beside her on the bed, knowing that the blonde was not going to be happy with that answer. Her thoughts were quickly pushed to the back when her mother swiftly entered her room, pulling her attention back to the present. 

**_Seven years ago_ **

Regina pushed the empty glass toward the bartender, the blonde behind the counter flashing her a broad smile. Regina was on drink 4, strong cocktails of mixed flavors. Kathryn and Graham had dragged her out to try and lift her spirits. It had been three years since her breakup with Emma, yet nothing had changed. She had graduated college, and was now working in her mother’s office. But she had kept to herself, working a majority of the time. 

A body next to her pulled her back into reality. The younger woman was brunette with light brown eyes, a round face and a beautiful Australian accent. 

“You look lonely.” The woman said, her shiny blue dress practically painted on her skin. “I’m Lacey.” She said, holding out her hand. 

Regina took her hand and lightly grasped it, shaking it. “Regina. And while I am alone, I’m not lonely.” She nodded to her friends standing around the bar table, laughing over something someone had said. Kathryn, Graham, Jefferson, and Zelena were all huddled together while Mary and David were making eyes at each other on the other side of the table. She practically rolled her eyes as she looked back at Lacey. She smiled politely at the other brunette as the bartender handed her another drink. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to dance?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow as Regina stood to walk back to her table. 

_ There’s no harm in it.  _ Regina thought as she shrugged. “One dance.” She said as she took the brunette’s outstretched hand again. She was led out to the dancefloor, quickly setting her drink on the table as she passed after taking a large sip from it. The Australian pulled Regina close to her by the hips, Regina’s heart jumped up to her throat. She didn’t want another’s hands on her body right now, but the alcohol was finally settling in her veins. After a dance, Regina pulled away with a lump in her throat as she thanked the woman for the dance. She went back to her table to finish her drink before excusing herself to the bathroom.

She locked herself in a stall, her fingers fumbling over her keyboard as she opened her notes app to type out a message. 

_ I know it’s been years Emma, but I can’t get you off my mind. You still occupy my thoughts every- _

She stopped, going back to erase the last bit. 

_ Things still remind me of you. I see that red dress in my closet and I can only think of that night. I miss you. I still fucking miss you. You were stupid, but so was I. I never should have let you go. Please, just… _

The sound of the bathroom door opening had her looking up, not realizing she was crying.

“Regina? Honey, are you in here?” Came Kathryn’s voice from outside her stall door. 

She sniffed, standing up, almost rocking on her heels. She hadn’t realized how drunk she was until that moment, her whole world spinning. “I’m fine.” She said as she opened the door. The look on Kathryn’s face told it all, mascara running down her cheeks and the defeated look on her face.

“Right, let’s get you home.” She said, slinging her arm around Regina’s waist to drag her from the bar.

**_Five Years Ago_ **

The drink in her hand did nothing to dull the pain. The pain of losing her best friend only months into her new career. Graham had suddenly passed away due to an undiagnosed and untreated heart condition. Her best friend was gone. Her mother had just died, leaving her to be the only one to run for mayor in such a small town. And now her best friend was gone too. She admitted to herself she hadn’t cared much for her mother, but losing her had been more devastating than she imagined. And when she got the call from Robin, Graham’s partner, her entire world had officially crumbled. It had been three weeks and she was still drinking herself to sleep every night. She had confided in Kathryn and Robin, but neither of them quite knew how to comfort her. They had barely known Regina a few years ago, let alone when she was much younger as Graham had. She briefly considered calling Emma, the only person left to console her, but thought better of it. It had been five years since they had spoken, and an out of the blue message would be far too inappropriate given how their relationship had ended. 

Curled up on her couch, she knocked back another drink, slipping into the drunk oblivion she had come to welcome over the last few weeks. 

She awoke the next morning with her hair sticking to her face, and a notebook laid out in front of her. She had no idea when she had grabbed it, but upon opening it, she groaned at the realization of what it contained. Drunken scribbles of how she hated Emma for hurting her and how she still loved her, none of which was  _ entirely _ true. Most of it was feelings that only came out while she was drunk. She hadn’t thought of Emma in almost two years, something she was very proud of. She tossed the notebook carelessly onto her coffee table, the pounding in her head taking sudden importance as she tried to stand, her whole world spinning again. She looked over at the decanter sitting on the table, groaning out loud. It had been emptied, in her drunken state she hadn’t left a single drop. Snatching up the glass, she made her way to her kitchen to rinse the glass out. Her phone was sitting on the kitchen counter, definitely not where she had left it last. She picked it up, and to her horror there was a text from Emma. 

**Who is this?**

Regina stared horrified at her phone, quickly opening the conversation. 

**_You’re an asshole. You did this to me, to us. You don’t deserve any happiness. I hate you._ **

Regina visibly cringed at the harsh words; words she never would have said to Emma. She must have been angry at one point last night, taking it out on the one person who “deserved” it. She had no one else to scream and yell out, no one that didn’t matter. She had changed her number years ago, hoping to deter Emma from texting her again, but hadn’t exactly deleted her number when she had transferred all of her data. She quietly cursed herself for doing that before deleting the thread and then Emma’s number. She refused to let her past catch up with her again, espectically at a time like this. 

\----

Emma stared at her phone, a text message coming through from an unknown number. She quickly figured out who it was, given the area code. Regina was the only one she knew in Maine. The message drove a steak deep into her heart, even if she hadn’t thought of Regina in months. It had only been months, but she was subconsciously reminded of the older woman every time she saw her son. She would never resent Henry, but there would always be a part of her that wished he had come into existence under better circumstances. She loved Henry with all her heart, but she would have rather been raising him with Regina, and it always seemed just as she was about to get over her, something would pop up and her feelings would resurface again. It was a never ending battle in the blonde’s mind. 

She hadn’t thought of texting Regina over the years, but she had tried a few times. 

**_Eight years ago_ **

“You’ve got to let her go!” Ruby yelled over the loud music, both women being eyed by the men around them as they danced together, their bodies grinding against each other. It was one of Emma’s first nights out since having Henry, even though the boy was a little over a year old now. She had officially switched him to solid foods and was now allowed to drink to her heart’s desire. She had agreed to a night out with Granny watching the baby, even though her worries were still on her young son. 

She spun around, facing Ruby as she narrowed her eyes. “I was thinking about Henry, thank you very much.” 

Ruby rolled her eyes as Emma glared at her, the brunette’s eyes darting to a woman that Emma had been looking at. “She looks just like R’gina.” She slurred, nodding as Emma turned her head before it snapped back to Ruby. 

“Well maybe I just find her attractive, Ruby.” She bit back, her mood suddenly dropping. She had been doing so well all night, hell, all year. Her mind had been occupied on things other than Regina Mills, and Ruby had just ruined it. 

Ruby raised her hands in defeat, an apologetic look on her face. “I’m sorry, Em. I was only teasing. I know you’re over her. I’ll drop it.” 

Emma just huffed slightly, then shrugged. “It’s fine, Rubes. Just wish she’d talk to me.” 

“I get that, Emma. I really do. It still hurts to think about Peter, but tonight is our night!” She practically shrieked, causing Emma to burst into a fit of giggles as her mood lifted. “Let’s get you drunk!” 

Emma ended up drinking heavily that night, but thankfully did not end up taking home the brunette she had been eyeing, much to Ruby’s dismay. She charged into Emma’s apartment the next morning, practically slapping some sense into Emma about moving on. 

She had gotten sick of Emma’s drunk rambling the night before about how no woman would ever compare to Regina. Ruby had acted less than kindly to that statement, rolling her eyes at the blonde. “You’ve never even MET her, Swan. I understand you loved her, but she hasn’t texted you in two years! You’ve got to get over it!” 

Emma had stormed from the bar, spewing curse words at Ruby for being a lousy friend and to just let her do what she wants. Emma was fuming. Part of her knew that Ruby was right. She had never  _ actually _ met Regina, but their hours and hours of phone calls and video chats should have made up for that. She  _ loved _ Regina, for fuck’s sake. She grumbled to herself as she stumbled down the sidewalk, headed for her apartment. Thankfully, they had chosen somewhere close so they wouldn’t have to drive. In her drunken state, she pulled out her phone, dialing Regina’s number. She had no idea why she did it, but she wanted to talk to her. Her whole body deflated as she was met with an error message, grinding her teeth together as anger rushed through her veins. 

She made a vow from there on out to never think of Regina again, even if she couldn’t keep that promise. But she managed to, keeping Henry in the forefront of her mind and deleted her number, keeping the brunette out of her life once and for all. Or so she thought.

  
  



End file.
